Why I'm Not Going Back To Where I'm From

And My 10 Year Twitter Anniversary

Every now and then, I’ll receive the odd, “Go back to where you’re from” racist attack on social media.

I remember being deeply bothered by this the first time this happened.

But once you get accustomed to these attacks, you notice yourself starting to have a thicker skin. And you notice yourself starting to laugh at the absurdities of life - including, in my case, racist online trolls (usually white American evangelical men hiding behind anonymous accounts).

These days, I find myself laughing at trolls like this for 30 straight seconds. Then, I respond with something like this:

“Just to be clear - I’m a US citizen living in Canada. Going back to where I’m from would put me right back in your country - the United States of America. I’m pretty sure neither of us want that.”

But more recently, I’ve been thinking about some of the racial trauma I endured and survived in the United States.

Most of you who have only known me over the last couple of years likely won’t know this but prior to moving to Canada two and a half years ago, I spent a little over a decade living, studying and working in the United States. And it was not good for me.

It was not good for my body as a brown, South Asian man. And it certainly wasn’t good for my soul.

In fact, the racial trauma I endured in the US was so bad that it sent me straight to therapy in 2019.¹

The truth is that after living in the US for a decade, I had to move to Canada to experience liberation and find my liberated voice. And the irony of this isn’t lost to me or my close friends any time I’m now invited to go back to speak or teach at a US church or conference.

Still, every time I’m in the US, I feel like I’ve stepped into a time capsule of a repressive ecosystem for my brown body and voice that is actively trying to reverse my liberation by at least 10 years.

Here are some recent odd racial experiences I’ve had in the United States on recent trips (especially on trips to the US South):

• Once while flying from Minneapolis to Vancouver (via Seattle) from one speaking engagement to another in full traditional South Asian attire, I had a lady behind me in line ask me, “Is today Diwali or something?” Reader - I was wearing a crucifix.

• Another time, while at a dinner meeting with a publisher in San Antonio, TX at a nice restaurant (again, while dressed in full traditional South Asian attire), the waiter looked at me and ignorantly assuming I was Muslim said, “I know you don’t eat pork because of your religion.” Again, I was wearing a crucifix that night.

• At an evangelical academic conference in Texas last year where I was one of the panel speakers and presenters, I was almost bounced by security after one of the organizers refused to believe I was a registered attendee (much less an invited speaker).

• All the trips to the US where I’ve been made to feel unseen and unimportant simply because of the colour of my skin.

My heart breaks any time I hear of South Asians being targeted in hate crimes or denied advancement opportunities in the United States. I feel for my South Asian family and friends in the US because they’ll never know the liberation that’s available to them in Canada. And I feel for my South Asian friends here in Canada who long to ultimately move to the US - because they’ll never know the liberation they have but take for granted here until it’s gone.

My 10 year ‘X-iversary’

Apparently, this week is the 10 year anniversary of my Twitter (now called ‘X’ or ‘Shitter’) account. Since the vast majority of you likely know me because of that account, I thought I’d reminisce a bit and take us down memory lane.

Most of you may not know this but I originally created that account to announce and support my campaign for Student Government Senate at Georgia State University. An Indian friend managing my campaign created this account and set my original password as ‘RandPaul2016’ in honour of my favourite American politician back then.²

Needless to say, I won that campaign after running on a platform of honesty, accountability and transparency by handing out my personal phone number on the campaign trail to make myself accessible as a political candidate and elected official. It only took me a couple of months to realize that while I loved the thrill of running political campaigns, I hated serving in political office.

Still, when I worked on political campaigns for Republican state and federal candidates soon after, this account became a full-fledged Republican (including a ‘Never Trump’) political account.

When IJM US brought me on staff in 2017, I scrubbed my Twitter history in its entirety and my Twitter account became an Advocacy account with the occasional political joke / hot take.

Then, in 2019, I started studying theology and publicly reflecting on justice, the western church, liberation theology and decolonization. My Twitter account has consistently been that over the past 5 years - also the time period around when you likely started engaging with my content. Over the past two years alone, I’ve seen my Twitter following mushroom from 2k followers to almost 15k followers today.

Then came the conversations with literary agents and publishers around a possible book deal contract around these topics and you know the rest.

These days, Twitter feels like a post-apocalyptic hell hole but I’m thankful for those of you I still get to stay connected with via that weird digital space. You make staying on Twitter totally worth it!

Book Writing Update:

You’ll likely notice that I’ve been relatively quiet here lately. This is because of me hunkering down and figuring out book writing cadences and rhythms.

I have exactly 6 months to write 9 chapters so I’m trying to write 1.5 to 2 chapters a month (roughly 6000-9000 words / month). If you’re a praying person, I’d be deeply thankful for your prayers in this writing process!

Specifically, pray for wisdom and boldness throughout this writing process.

Until next time!

- JT

1. I still check in with a therapist twice a month despite being healed of this racial trauma a couple of years ago. I think everyone who can afford to should see a therapist because therapy has been a game-changer for my emotional and mental health and wholeness.

2. I need you to believe me when I tell you that a *LOT* about my political views has changed in the last 10 years.